Love Letters
by CFVY
Summary: Neo can't communicate by regular means, so she sends letters.


**_A/N_**

 **Really heavy angst, here. Really damn heavy. If you're sensitive to stories involving depression, suicide, etc, turn back now.**

* * *

 _Roman,_

 _Today is a better day. Everyone is regrouping now. I've rejoined with Cinder and the rest. We'll be continuing with our operations. How are you? I hope you're well._

 _Neo_

* * *

Writing is her only means of communication.

Since her birth, she has never been able to speak. During the earlier years of her child, she had struggled with her disability. Children on the playground avoided her. Some even antagonized her. Ironically, these were the happier times in her life. They were years where she didn't have to worry about earning her keep, or where her next meal would come from. She dislikes wallowing in her past. She'd much rather look towards the future. But these days, it's hard to keep going forward. It's a challenge, to not crave her younger days.

...She's still pretty young. But she's started to feel much, much older as of late.

That's fine, she guesses. Her life has been full of challenges, full of things that she didn't want. Neo can't afford to be picky. She knows that. But now, when she's leaning over the old desk, eyes straining to read the words she has written down, she realizes that she wants to go _home._

She breathes in the dusty air, and picks up another piece of paper.

* * *

 _Roman,_

 _Cinder's temper has become worse. I try to avoid her as much as possible. Although, since she's my superior now, it's really hard to go a day without talking to her. I'm working hard. Mercury can be pretty overbearing sometimes. Emerald is nicer._

 _Neo_

* * *

"There isn't much for us to do, today." Emerald's voice is relieved, but Neo doesn't hear her that well. Her fingers busily work on the small piece of paper. It's a series of ornate motions that she's memorized from repetition. Neo doesn't answer, because she can't. But she feels Emerald's gaze on her back. "Wow! I didn't know that you could do origami." The green-haired woman sounds surprised-impressed even. Neo breaks her gaze away from the task at hand, and looks to her with a soft smile.

Emerald has started to become friendlier with her. And it's a change that she's open to. However, Neo feels that the green-haired woman has become... softer than she used to be. She has seen guilt on Emerald's features after long missions where targets were killed. Neo just hopes that Emerald stays safe if she decides to leave. But, if she has to play the part of executioner, she won't mind.

"It's neat, but it won't save our asses in battle." Mercury's snide voice immediately turns Neo's smile into a deep frown. He strolls into the office room in a carefree manner, wasting no time in walking over to Neo. Neo has long ago realized that Mercury doesn't know her that well. But it becomes more apparent as he walks over to the table, and expects her to _let_ him touch her handiwork. He reaches a hand out to touch the green, paper crane.

Before he can move another inch, the sharpened tip of Neo's umbrella is at his throat, ready to slice him open. His eyes widen for a split second. Although he won't want to admit it, he's been caught by surprise. He doesn't have experience with her abilities. He has no idea about what she's capable of. Neo actually hopes he'll press further. She wants to see that pretty crimson spill from him.

But he relents, and apart of her is disappointed.

"Fuck off, Mercury." It's rare to hear Emerald use profanity. Mercury backs away, expression turning distasteful. He turns to quarrel with Emerald, and Neo turns back to her task without a second though.

* * *

 _Roman,_

 _Things have started to get a little more exciting, here. More and more soldiers have started to arrive in our base. Cinder has started to research the other Maidens. Why? I don't exactly know. I wish I did. Do you? Asking might only make Cinder mad. So for now, I'll keep quiet. Mercury really doesn't bother me all that much, which is good. But Emerald is really nice._

 _Neo_

* * *

"Hurry up!" Cinder's snarling voice echoes through the area. Soldiers scramble about, attempting to work faster and avoid Cinder's wrath. Neo knows that Cinder hasn't actually attacked anyone yet. But there's always that lingering fear. There's always the risk of her finally killing someone. Cinder has hurt subordinates who have displeased her before. But never had she attacked anyone due to loosing her temper. And the worst part is, Neo knows that she won't ever be punished or reprimanded. Not that anyone cared. The world of crime was vicious.

Neo has no one to protect her, here. Once again, she needs to fend for herself. But she doesn't know if she can do it. She doesn't know if she can truly cope in such a fast-paced, pressuring environment. She has no friends, no close allies here. Neo feels the walls closing in, suffocating her, but is brought back to reality when she sees Cinder approaching.

There's something more... wild about Cinder these days. Something even more vicious than before. But Neo can't put her finger on it. She stiffens her spine out, gaze straight ahead as Cinder stares her down.

"You were such a good little puppy for Roman..." The woman drawls, and Neo tries to not let it sink it. "I'm glad you stayed here. Whether anyone else knew it or not, you've been quite useful. Whatever Roman taught you, he taught you well." Compliments from Cinder are as rare as they come. The dark-haired woman hardly bats at an eye at anyone around her. Neo nods respectfully, and holds up a slightly-crumpled, manilla envelope. "Stolen from our friends in the resistance?" Another nod. A pleased smile graces Cinder's features, and she delicately plucks the envelope from Neo's grip. "Good work."

Neo resists the urge to crumple to the ground as Cinder begins to walk away. She remains still, stationary, until she sees the dark-haired woman disappear around the corner.

Her entire posture loosens.

 _What good luck._

* * *

 _Roman,_

 _It looks like I'm going to be off for awhile. I hope you're doing well._

 _Neo_

* * *

She can't write anything else. It's a cloudy day outside. Neo lingers in the old apartment that she calls a home. Her tired eyes gaze the words, thinking about them over and over. But her exhaustion has seized her. For the past couple of weeks, Emerald and Mercury have out on a mission by Cinder. She's been shoved aside by Cinder, sent home to wallow in her own emptiness. In the place that is supposed to be her home, she is more alone than ever. Everyone is gone.

Cinder has been flying off the handle over and over again. Neo suspects that even the sight of her, reminds Cinder of her failures. That's alright, she thinks slowly. Even she can't look at herself in the mirror anymore. Her eyes lack the life they once had. Her skin is paler, her features more gaunt.

She stands up, and stumbles to the bedroom, ready to spend another day asleep.

* * *

 _Roman,_

 _I'm lonely. I'll admit it! Cinder has sent me home. I have no way of making money. And now, I really have no desire or ability to. I miss you so much._

 _Neo_

* * *

Neo's fingers tremble as she reaches out towards an old cabinet, clutching the wooden handles as though they are a lifeline. The languid light of the sunset fills the room. She leans her forehead against the cool wood, and her resolve firms after a minute. She pulls the cabinets open gently, revealing an aged, cardboard box.

She moves backwards, looks at it for a solid couple of seconds, and staggers forward, only to fall down. Her fingers manage to grab the edge of the box, and it tumbles downwards, out of the shelf, and over her head.

The envelopes and papers scatter all around her, fluttering to the floor, spilling onto the desk. Letter, after letter, after letter has been written, but none are sent. And they can never be sent. Their destination cannot be reached by air, by land, or by sea. Neo knows this better than anyone. There are letters to _mother,_ letters to _father,_ and finally, letters to _Roman._ Some of the papers are years and years old. But she has held onto them. These three people are not coming back. No matter how much Neo wants them to. No matter how much she gets on her knees and cries to god, they are never returning to her. She is never to hear them speak, to see them smile, or to hold them ever again.

Neo cannot recall the last time she has cried. Weeks and months have gone by. Has it been a year? She is literally buried in her grief. In each letter she has painstakingly written, there is a piece of her. With every letter written, her sanity, her well-being, has dwindled. When did the letters start? And when do they end? Tears well in her eyes as she realizes that _they end when the pain stops._ And that means, it'll never be over.

She stands, ignoring the envelops as they fall to her feet. Grabbing a piece of paper, and an old pen, she writes one, final letter.

* * *

 _Roman,_

 _There is no power left in me. This isn't what you would have wanted. I hope it's not. Somehow, I had thought that maybe these letters would get to you. Now, I realize I'm wrong._

 _Much love, Neo_

* * *

The rooftop is breezy, as the sun finishes its descent, and evening begins. Her old shoes clack against the ground, hair fluttering in the wind.

This is where she has ended up. She has no hope, but no more room for tears. Maybe it's not the right way out, but there's no one else to help her.

Roman's death was a cold, clean break from history.

And now, she's going to be wiped from the record books.


End file.
